Blog to God

What a day, thank You for getting me through it. Not a bad day but just very busy and although something I was hoping for did not happen that is fine. I just wish she would get over herself, I really want it to work but when she is like that I dont want anything to do with her. Wish it was different and even though I would like things to get back to how they should be I am getting over it very quickly nowdays and in a way I am looking forward to the day when the little ones are gone so I can say cherio and get away. Not what I want but I think it might be the best thing. I pray it was not like that as I dont think it is the best or what You would want but I dont know what more I can do. Maybe I should have seen this all that time ago and maybe it was not my fault, she should perhaps see that she is far from perfect and get over herself. Sorry if they are harsh words Lord but it is really crazy. I know I am not perfect and can admit it and admit when I am wrong and apologise but not her. Sorry for graoning and moaning Lord but who else do I talk to. Hopefully You will tell me what to do about it. Lord please let my car get sorted soon and cheaply as this hired one is costing me a lot more than I can afford and with the mad rush at work nowdays I can t do without it. Please guide me and help me in the choices I need to make. I ask in Jesus name Amen.

Thank You again for what You did yesterday and thank You for answering my prayers and giving me a bit more motivation than I have had in quite a while. Lord I pray that things keep going right for a little while to give me a chance to catch my breath and maybe figure things out. I also really need Your guidance on the maintenance. I dont want them to suffer but I also want them to be able to be with me everynow and then and I really dont know what to do. Why do I alsways think tough then not act it. I know it is because I want things back how they were but at the same time I dont know if I really do. I know that if we were all to leave to another country with a fresh start and none of the old things around it would be ok (as long as there was enough so we did not battle because that is what has caused most of the problems) Anyway Lord I trust that Your will will be done and that You will guide us to what You want from us. Lord I think I heard You last night, it was different from imagination, I cant be sure but hope it was.

Thank You again Lord and please help all those today who are crying out to You and help me to show people that to love You is to live You. Amen.

Thank You, thank You a million times over. The money is here and even though it is only temporary it still is what is needed to help get through this. Lord I know now that the reason that I was not to worried is because deep down even though I cry out to You, I know that You will provide what is needed just when it is needed. Lord thank You again. I love You Amen

Thank You again.

Well one step forward and two steps back. Lord what do I do? Just got the car going and something else on it much worse breaks. Apart from the temporary loan not being available this month so there is a lot less money which means that the bond, car etc cant be paid and needs to be caught up as well as the expense of the car and the hassle of not having a car for a while. Lord have I really been that bad that all these problems are happening. It also just pushes them further away and now she thinks that there are other things happenning which are not and she talks in front of the kids which makes them wonder even though it is not true. I am really at my wits end now Lord and am quite ready to come and be with You if I could and if that would make things better because this is just to tough Lord. I dont know how much longer I can do it for. Because everything always goes wrong and I never have the money to sort it out I spend so much time trying to fix things and dont concentrate on what I should be doing. It also ends up costing me more in the long run. Lord please would You perform a miricle for me and help me make things better so I can concentrate on the things I need to to make things better. Lord even if it just one month or one day of not worrying it would be great. Lord we really need a holiday which we have never had in 20 odd years and the little ones (big ones now really) deserve more than this. I have really failed You and all of them and I dont want to. I want them to look up at me and be proud of me.

Lord please help me do something that would make them proud of me. Thank You Lord. Amen.

I am truly unhappy with my life, family, work, money situation right now Lord but I really dont know what to do about it. Lord please talk to me in a simple way so I can understand and know it is You. Lord please tell me what to do about life.

I ask in the name of Your son Jesus who died for all us useless people. Please Lord answer me. Amen

Well Lord I am really needing your help. It is still not there and I really need it. Why is everything seeming to be going wrong this last week or so. Lord I really, really desperately need You help because I dont know what to do. Please just tell me what to do and I will get on with it. This is crazy going on like this. But I also dont know what is wrong with me. Things are really terrible right now but I am not really as worried as I should be. I should be in a total state but I am not and I am hoping it is because You are with me carrying me through this tough time.

Lord please let me be a hero to them. Lord please help me to find something that I am good at and enjoy doing, Lord please hjhelp me to be a better witness for You and a better example of what someone who loves You is all about.
Lord thank You for everything. Amen

Lord, I have got rid of it and although some of the feelings are still here I know that with Your help they will go and I can be strong and overcome them but please Lord show me a clear sign that it was wrong and that now it is over I did the right thing because I am sure it was wrong but at the same time I am not really sure. Lord I with all the problems at the moment I should be a wreck but I am not and the only thing I can attribute it to is that I have faith in You and that even though I have no idea how You will help get through this tough time and help us manage and come to the rescue like You always do. Lord please help meto know really that it was wrong and that Youa re here with us looking after us. Lord I dont really know what more to say about this problem or life in general. I just want to be good and I really want the little ones to be proud of me and to believe in You again and I am sorry that all the problems I caused has caused them not to believe in You. Please Lord let me show them that You are real and here with us all the time. I can understand why they dont believe but dont want it to be like that any more. Please forgive me for ruining YOur relationship with them and please help me right it.

Thanks Youu Lord Amen.

Oh my how do I need You right now. More than I can ever remember and it is now that I have messed up so much that I dont deserve You to even listen to me. Oh my Lord God yet again I mess up doing the same thing I always do and promise to never do again and I have just done it again. Lord please I know that You are capable of doing anything so please Lord I am begging You help me. I want this to be over but dont know what to say. I always say now it is ovver then when things start to go well again I am right back where I started. I cant expect You to listen to me or believe me but please do Lord. Please have faith in me, please help me , please keep me strong and show me that You can help me, help me to be srtrong to get over this once and for all. Please dont punish me Lord, I am so weak and fragile now, not just me but all of us, this is the last thing we need. Please, please Lord I want things to be right. I dont want to want this, I want to be normal like everyone else. Why me Lord, why. Why am I such an idiot, such a failure. I dont have any motivation or drive left at all but I want to have it. Lord I know I need to be taught a lesson but Lord is that not enough. Is there not another way of doing it. Lord I know You are real and that YOu care and that You can do anything and it is You who is in control of everything that happens with us even though You allow us to make our own choices but Lord I need You to guide me. Lord please forgive me for I have sinned. Lord I deserve to be punnished but the others dont. Lord please find a way to help with this problem and punnish me for my sins in anohter way that does not affect anyone else. You know here I am complaining about my problems when that kid is in icu along with how many others who have way more problems than I do and all I care about is me. Lord I do need Your help but there all those others who need it and probably deserve it more than I do so Lord I am not worthy although that makes me very sad because I would like You to be proud of me just like I would like the others to be proud of me. Man Lord things have got to change. I know I have said this before and said it the other night then did not do it but this time I really mean it Lord and I am praying that You will help me, I am not going to carry on being like this. I am changing with Your help. Thank You ion advance Lord tghat YOu are going to help me change for the better. I hope this is not a bit cheeky and I know You will think it is yet another one of those empty promises but this time it is not. Lord help me with thsi problem please to give me some encouragement because I really, really want and need this change not just for me but also for them and also for You Lord.I am determined and know with Your help I can do it. The hardest thing will be to keep the motivation going as everything keeps going wrong and thatr makes it hard to concentrate on what needs to be done. Lord You know just how much trouble I am in now and how much I need to sort out. I want to do it, I want to stop having to hide and worry all the time, I am tired of having to scrape by, I am tired of having bad thoughts, I am tired of doing bad things, I am tired of being this scared, timid, frightened little me. I know there are lots that would love to have my problems but htese are things I can change on myself but only with Your help. You know me Lord and where my heart really is, where it should be, so maybe becomming that I would be able to help others better and serve You better.

Lord I ask in the name of Your Son and our saviour to please forgive me for my numerous sins, to know that I really want to change, to be a better person that those I love can be proud of and to help me sort out the current problems I have and to help me achieve these things. I also ask that You be with that kid and help him recover fully and be with his and the other ones family in this hard time, and not just for them Lord but for all those hurt people out there. Man have we messed up the perfect place that You created and for that I am sorry. Amen

Wow, I could really feel You stopping me doing that last night and it was good, really good. Even if it was just half of what should not have been it was still fine. Thank You Lord for showing me Your power and thatYou are there for me. I really dont know what is wrong and what is right any more. Well I do but I am confused about certain things. Lord I really dont want to be. I want to be the person I should be. There are so many other people out there who seem to have it all without deserving it. How do they get it when I dont. I really cant be that bad a person. I try not to hurt others. I try to do the right thing. I try to be good. Lord I actually would love to go away for a long time by myself with no distractions to find myself and find You or find my way to You. Lord please look after all those who have way more to complain about that I do.

Thank You Lord. Amen

Why cant I get to where I want and need to be Lord. Why is there this "wall" in front of me that I can get my head to the top of and see the wonderful life on the other side but I just dont have the strenght to pull myself over. Lord please give me a leg up and help me over this thing that is stopping me being in the place that I want to be because I dont have the strenght to do it myself. I just dont know how to get past this and it is really hard. I really need to get by it and on with my life and provide for those that I love and want to be with and I want to give them everything they deserve but just cant until I sort myself out and I really dont know how to Lord. I am begging You to please show me how to get over it and please help me, I know You can and You know I can but I need something a bit more clear.

Thank You Lord and I ask in the name of Your Son and my saviour that You please helpme. Amen

Wow man that is great to hear someone just say thank you to God and the only thing they ask for is for God to bless others and not themselves. Very refreshing and I wish I could do that. I have plenty to be thankful for looking at nmost of the people around me but there is so much want and so much that I need. At least I think i need it. If I really did then would God not give it to me. Or maybe I dont have it so He can teach me a lesson but then why do those who really dont deserve it because they are really bad seem to always have it or is it because after they die they wont have anything but those of us "good" people who dont have it now, do we get it all after we die by being with our Lord???? It really can get confusing, how I would like it to all be so simple and know what and where I am suppossed to be. Why always having to worry and do things I dont really want to and why not more on the go like I know I should be, why no motivation, why wanting to punish myself all the time, why always work so hard to get out then just as things are going ok fall back again and have to go through it all again.

Lord I want to get to the stage where I to can just thank You. I dont care if it is not great riches, just to be in that place where I know You are in control and will take care of all my needs. I know YOu do but at the same time I am really confused about what I should do. Lord I do love and trust You. Amen.

God, you are so amazing :D thank you so much for my everyday life, i am so blessed and love you so much!! thank you for every youve given me, espically my family friends, and dirtbike. man you are just so amazing!!! everytime i see the cross in my church, it makes me smile!! thank you so much!
Thank you for everything that youve given me and please bless the less fortunate!!
thanks! love you!!Amen:)

What am I doing? What have I done? I really slipped up again and now things have gone all pear shaped again. Lord please help me get back on track, and to where I should and actually do want to be even though it might not seem so. Please forgive me and help me.

Thanks You Lord for everything. I love You Lord Amen

how are you my dear god?
i am fine here stressing with life..although i found lots of financial difficulties i am also having difficulties with communications.which i found myself where there is no one to talk to when i need one. therefore i am talking to you. i need wisdom. i've been working on school so much that i haven't seen my surroundings. now i am tired of working and trying to get a rest but when i go to sleep i am tormented by nightmares. i don't know what to do. i have exams tomorrow and a critique on tuesday which dismay me. all i can do now is,read a book to keep my mind busy. its hard to concentrate on homework. i need to talk to someone. my family is in another country and friends.. i don't know.. i don't often talk to any of them. ohh why am i so unfortunate? why do i worry only about being successful when i am only a student. i wish my family will pay for my uni tuition..life is so tough.maybe thats why i am trying my best..to get what i always needed.
but i still don't know why i am here alone. some people say they love me or miss me.but they are never there for me..only god is.. i know you are watching me :) but can you please help me sort this out?i don't want nightmares. i hate this pressure of having to finish my pessimistic project and knowing that i am alone.. i need comfort.maybe this is what all individual experiences but it is extremely painful. sometimes i feel like i am the only unhappy girl in this world and worthless that don't have a job or my own family yet. one day i want to help the world to change.i know that i have to overcome this anxiety i am holding..but its hard.i have to demonstrate my parents that i can do this without their help. maybe even my boyfriend who is in oversea. as i always dreamed i have to be a independent strong lady.that is my dream. ahh i need wisdom..god.god.god.if you hear me please help me.
thank you lord amen

Well I got it and dont know if it was the right choice but to late now. Lord I am getting lost again and know you are waiting on the right path for me but I seem to have wondered off it. I can hear you calling but Lord I just dont know what to do. I do but dont know if I can do it. Lord ev erything is so mixed up at the moment and I need to hear You more clearly. Lord please help me and save me.

Thanks You Lord Amen