Blog to God

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Thank You for keeping my girl and I safe in that accident today. One step forward and twenty back. Just as my car is repaired and looking good it goes and gets written off. At least You protected us and it looks like my Girl has now seen the light and knows You are here for us. I really dont know what to do now to get to work and back and and dont know how it will affect my job but I have faith in You. Today could have been the end of us but You were there keeping Your protective arm around us so I am sure You will be there to help now with what ever happens with work and transport.

Thak You again Amen