Blog to God

Thanks for giving me this certain peace in these roughish times. Things are not so bad and prospects are good if I just got off my behind and did something about it. I need to ask You to give me a kick in the butt to get me some motivation but I am scared to in case the kick is more problems. Right now I think motivation would do me more good tham pressure. I also need Your help in getting rid of these bad thoughts. At least I have not acted on them but the thoughts are bad enough to me.

Please help me make the decsision I need to make. I really dont know what to do and normally end up making the wrong choice. Plaeas give me a sign to let me know what choice I should make.

Thanks Lord. Amen.

It has not been the best of times since that one really great day when You showed that You are there and taking care of things. Always just enough just when needed. Nothing more and nothing less and I thank You for it. Thank You for showing me that those bad things are not good things and forgive me for trying. Lord thank You for also stopping her for the last week. There is a huge difference and she is a much better person so please help her to keep away from it and let some good come soon so she can see it is worth it and not fall back.

Lord I know it seems like I am always asking You for things, please help me to know what You want and ask only for those things You want me to have and those things that will glorify Your name. I really want to be able to laugh again and show happiness and fun again. It seems that it was so long ago when I really was truly happy. Lord please teach me that good old from the heart laugh and how to joke and smile again but please shoe me in a way that others can see it is through You that it comes.

Lord I would also really like to be sucessful but again to be able to show that it is only through You that it has come. I know that I often forget to thank You or tell others that it was through You that something good happenned and I ask that You help me to praise You more. I know that there are a lot of people who need You way more than I do and deserve You mauch more than I do so when You are ready.

I also ask that You help us leave this place. It is way to corrupt, immoral, cruel and full of hatred. Maybe we are suppossed to be here to provide a balance but it is just so depressing. I really want o be in a happier calmer place with my 3 loved ones.

I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus who paid the ultimate price for us and did what most of us would be to scared to do. I know I would. Thank You lord Amen.

What can I say more than Praise be to God, he is great. Lord thank you from the bottom of my heart. After the disaster of these last 2 weeks today has been great and it is all thanks to You. From getting the really cheap hired car, to the higher than I thought payout for my wrecked car to the job offer from my old boss to not having to pay rent this month and now winning tickets to that party I can only praise You and thank You.

Lord let Your light shine through me to all those around me so they may see Your grace and beauty. I love You Lord Amen

Thank you a really awesome half a weekend. It started out the usual bad way with her being difficult and just plain mean if that is the right word for it but Sunday was really really great. Such a wonderful time with my beauties and then to go out with my birthday girl and just relax was out of this world. Thank You so much for the opportunity you gave me to share it with them. I am so proud of them both, the way they have turned into such awesome, wonderful, beautiful young ladies under pretty hard circumstances. Even this morning was pretty good until the afternoon when she got all stupid, huffity and selfish again. She needs to realise that it is not all about her and not be so selfish. Yes I need to get around until the car is sorted out and it might be a bit difficult for her but I do so much for her. She believes I owe it to her but she is so quick to forget all that I have alwasy done in the past. I suppose it is like most people, they remember the bad things much quicker than the good. I really dont need that and just want to get on with my life. I would love it to be with her but not the way she is half the time, that I could not manage. I need to get on with it either way. I know it is hard when she holds me to "ransom" as she does and would love to have more so I could give my girls what they need and get on with my life at the same time. I know it is just another 8 years or so when the little one is out then ther eis no hold anymore. I dont want to be mean but that would have been 30 yrs of this so I think it would be time for me to have a few things for myself. This might sound really selfish and all about me but I am so tired of never having a little me time.

Lord please be with the rest of them as they go through their own difficult time and I know that it might sound like I am whining about something which is trivial compared to the problems that so many others have so if it is please forgive me. Lord I am ready to do what You have in store for me. I can only believe that all these things are tests of my faith and pray that I am doing ok because I am trusting You more all the time. I dont have anyone else to trust in or hope in and You have proved over and over that You are the one to come to my aid. Thanks You Lord. I ask in Jesus name that You bless us all.
Amen

Could this get any better. Edit (I meant to say could this get any worse and only saw after that I said better, I dont think I was being sarcastic so hopefully it means that things will get better) This is a huge test of faith, I dont know if it is the toughest but it is huge. Last night was really bad, Lord please help her see that I am not like that and I did not do all those things. I dont want to say she has a problem but what else could it be. It is really crazy and I feel so sorry for her and the other 2. Lord please help her to see that things are and were not like that and that it could be fine. I really dont know where she gets it from. Lord thank You for giving me and the faith to get through this really tough time and for being with us through it. There is so much I need to ask for forgiveness for right now I cant even thing. Please keep us safe.

Thanks You Lord. Amen

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Thank You for keeping my girl and I safe in that accident today. One step forward and twenty back. Just as my car is repaired and looking good it goes and gets written off. At least You protected us and it looks like my Girl has now seen the light and knows You are here for us. I really dont know what to do now to get to work and back and and dont know how it will affect my job but I have faith in You. Today could have been the end of us but You were there keeping Your protective arm around us so I am sure You will be there to help now with what ever happens with work and transport.

Thak You again Amen

What a week so far. One very bad day with a good night, then a relatively good day with a bad night. What is her problem. sometimes great, sometime really terrible. Am I wasting my time, am I deaf to what You are telling me. How much longer must I go on like this or should I move on. I really pray I would know what You want me to do. If it was not for those 2 beauties whom I love so much then I would be out of it so fast but she knows she has me because I wont see them without and she uses it agaisnt me but how much longer must I put up with it. Why should they suffer so she can learn. I really would like Your clear guidance on this. Most of the time she is fine but when she has a couple liek tonight she is impossible and I dont want to be around when it is like that. Even if things worked out if she got like that I could not handle it. I am killing myself to try and keep the peace and protect them but is it worth it. They certainly are but are they just learning bad things, I dont thinks so and pray they are not.

Lord please help me to show others Your grace by letting Your light and beauty shine through me. I pray for peace not just for myself and my loved ones but all the world. I ask this in Jesus name Amen.