Blog to God

Forgive me for the how slack I have been since I have been back here and all the bad that I have done. Please forgive me for letting you down so badly. I did not want to let you down but I am so weak I just let things overtake me and get the better of me. Lord it is not what I want. I want to be good and obey your commands. I know I said that You would not loose me if you helped me get back here and what did I do. I did not shun You totally but I might have well had and I am truly sorry. Lord I dont wevwen know what to say to you know, I just feel so empty inside and I need so much but dont want to ask you for anything as I dont deserve it. I am really sorry Lord, please forgive me.

Thank you for helping my big girl do so well in her exams. Lord please help me find a way to send her to do more studying like she wants to do. They make me feel like I have really let them down and I have but it has not all been me and I cant take all the blame anymore. Lord I dont want to leave my babies behind but I really dont have any strenght left to do this and I truly want to be with you. I dont want to be here anymore.

I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ that you please forgive me and help me to see the path that you have laid out for me. Please show me whatr you want me to do and open my eyes to see the right thing.

I love you Lord. Amen

Please forgive me for being so selfish and thank you for life.

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned. Oh Lord what have I done. You gave me the job I asked for, the car I needed, time near my family, everything except a reconcilliation and what have I done, just forgoten about You. Well not forgoten about You but practically. I am so sorry Lord. In one way, being back here near my kids is really great but in another it is not. I am still so dead inside. I think it is harder being near them but not with them than it was to be far away and not with them.

Maybe it is this place, maybe the job, maybe me, I just dont know. I dont know anything anymore what I want to do, where I want to be. I dont even know if I really want to be with her anymore or if it is just wanting to be with her to be near the kids and even then they have changed so much since I have not been there that I sometimes dont even recognise them.

Please Lord help me to find myself and to find you again. I love you Lord. Thank you for everything you have done for us.