Blog to God

Talk to God the Creator and Father

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Dear God

Please forgive me, I have messed up again so badly. I have destroyed my girls futures by being so slack and not doing the things I should have when I had the chance. Lord I feel physically ill thinking of what I have done to them. Oh Lord you gave me this miracle and gave us all what we had wanted and what I prayed for and I messed it all up again. Lord I let You down and I let them down and now I just don’t know what to do. Jesus I am so totally useless and don’t want to be like this. I want to be able to provide them with everything they deserve and now it looks like there is no chance to stay here and get them over here which means that the chance for a great future I was hoping they would have has gone. Jesus I deserve to have nothing but they deserve to have everything. They are such incredible girls with such good hearts and do so much for others without expecting anything in return. If I had just done what I should have and not done what I shouldn’t we wouldn’t be in this situation right now. They would have been over here with me going to study like they want to and deserve to. Lord I am such a failure and I don’t want to be. I just don’t know what to do anymore and don’t know how to make it right. I need another miracle but don’t deserve one. I need another chance but don’t deserve one. If I was You I wouldn’t give me another chance so I don’t expect one but pray that You do. It all seems so hopeless and it looks like this is really the end. If they lose what they have then that will be the end. Lord I know I need  to do something but just don’t know what. I love them all so much and want to be with them and give them what I should have all this time. I have been away from them for so long and missed out so much of their lives and I am so sorry about that. I haven’t been there when they were growing up and I cant take it anymore. I don’t want to miss out on any more of their live. Oh Lord I ask in Jesus name that You please help me somehow. You know what is best so please tell me or show me what I need to do to serve You and to serve them and to be the son that You deserve and the father that they deserve. I hate this hopelessness and want to get better. Lord I pray this in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Dear God

I really want to get away from any sin and have a better life for my girls. Lord I am missing them so much and really want them to be here with me. I want to be with them and if it means back there then so be it but Lord there is not much future there, Lord I confess and repent of my sins and want to lead a better life. I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ to please help me. Lord please also help me to find a job before we run out of money. Lord if I need to sell my car I will and can but it would make things more difficult. I pray that You help me. I have faith and trust in You but need You to tell me what to do, tell me the right thing to do which will honour Your name. Lord please help. I love You Lord. Amen.

Dear God

Lord in the times I need You most I seem to forget about You. Lord this isnt doing me any good. I need to get back with You and let You into my heart again. Jesus this is such a bad and trying time when I really need You and I have been so slack. Please help me to get my butt into gear so I can save my family, the ones I really want to be with and around. I am asking You to come back into my life and help me. I ask this in the name of Your son Jesus Christ who died for worthless sinners like me.

Dear God

Why am I such an idiot. Why do I keep messing up everything especially all the good things You give me. Why cant I learn from my mistakes and be better. I am so tired of crying and having a heavy heart. Why cant I give them what they deserve. My life is such a mess and I have dragged them down with me. They deserve so much more. They are such wonderful kind hearted girls who deserve the world and I cant even give them an education much less a father that they deserve. I have spent so much time away from them and I love them so dearly. I hate the fact that I have missed so much of their lives and not been there for them. Oh Lord this isn’t right. Why is this happening to me. I am not perfect but I am far from being a bad person. Do I really deserve this, do they? Jesus please talk to me and tell me what I must do to make it right. I don’t want to spend more time away from them and really want them here where they will all have better opportunities but now I have messed that up to. Even of I do find another job here that will sponsor me, it is another 2 years before I can apply for PR and to be away from them for another 2 years is way to long, I don’t know if I can do it. There are no jobs back there, wether the policies are right or wrong is immaterial. I can go to the other country but that is also not the future I want to give them. Oh Jesus this was all perfect. You gave me everything and I messed it up for nothing. I destroyed the most beautiful woman who I have always loved and wanted to be with. I know she thinks I have done things I haven’t and that hasn’t made it easy but she was not just the love of my life but my best friend. I don’t want anyone else and will never again find anyone nearly as good as her. She deserve more. Jesus my 2 girls are the most incredible young women any father could ask for and I haven’t been able to give them anything. They deserve to study, they deserve a future and I haven’t given them that and don’t see how I can. My little granddaughter whom I have only spent a couple of months with is such a beautiful little girl and has no future because of me. Lord doesn’t she deserve a chance. Lord I trust that You have a plan and ask that You please just reveal it to me so I have some hope. I have no idea at all of what to do now and know I need to trust You but every time I trust You and You provide I manage to mess it up and I have no idea why You would help me know. Lord it is me I don’t trust not You. Maybe I need this to teach me a lesson but if I haven’t learnt yet why would I learn now. Lord we have been through so much, there has been so much sadness and not enough joy. Lord I ask that You help them, forget about me but please I pray that You find a way to give them what they deserve. Lord Your Son died for a fool like me and I don’t deserve that, I don’t deserve anything but they do. It is all my fault and I have to live with the guilt of messing up their lives. Lord please show me the way out of this mess and back to them. I love You Lord. Amen.

Dear God

Lord I don’t deserve anything but ask for Your help anyway. Lord You gave me everything I asked for. My family back, great job in the city and country I asked for and I messed it all up for nothing. What a stupid mistake. I could have made it right by not putting off the PR application and now look. Losing my job I have now lost that opportunity to give my family a better future. Oh Jesus why did I do that, why did I not do it when I should have. It would have been so simple and things wouldn’t be so bad now. It could have just been looking for another job yet now it is looking for another job where I can get sponsored and the start of another 2 year wait which will be to long for the family even though they don’t want it after the first thing I did wrong. Lord why am I such an idiot. My whole life has just been one mess after another. They deserve so much more than I can give them. I really cant believe what an stupid fool I have been. I don’t know why, maybe it is the fear of failure, maybe it is because whenever something good happens I manage to do something to mess it up and that has made me to scared to try anything. Lord God I just don’t know anymore. If I could start again Lord things would be so different. I know you performed that miracle and gave me the second chance and I blew it so why should You give me another but if I could go back right to the beginning I would do everything so differently. Lord I really don’t want to carry on like this anymore. Please talk to me, tell me what to do, tell me how to get out of this mess I have made. I pray that I could not just hear You but learn to listen to You. Lord I know I don’t deserve it but they do. They are really good, incredible girls with such good hearts. If they don’t believe in You it is not their fault, it is mine for all the bad I have done has turned them away from You. Lord please don’t punish them as they really don’t deserve it. If You need to punish me please do so, I welcome it but just give them something to smile about and the chance at a better future than they have had so far. Lord I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ. Amen.

Dear God

Although I am alone this Christmas and its the first time not being with my incredible family Lord I want to say thank You for putting them in my life. They are such wonderful girls and have such good hearts. Lord they deserve so much more than I can give them. Being without a job and possible not getting a visa to stay here has made being away from them even harder than it would have been however for some reason I don’t feel as much sadness as I should and it has only got to be because I have finally realised that You are in my life for good. Lord I have done so much wrong and don’t deserve You but I know that You will perform another miracle in my life even if I don’t deserve it. Lord I am changing not because I want something from You or only if I get something but hopefully at last I have realised that I want You in my life and need You in my life. Lord thank You that at least I have a few friends to talk to and people who think that I am capable. Lord I have no idea what the future holds or where and I am scared but trust in You. I have to as I cant trust in myself. Lord I ask in the name of Jesus Christ to please be with my incredible, beautiful girls, let them find peace and know that I only want to be with them. Lord I know that they think I am worse than I am and ask You to help me find a way to show them that. I also ask that You help me find a way forward. Lord I love You. Thanks You God. Amen.

Dear God

Thank You for the opportunity to talk to him and put my case before him. Lord I pray that he accepts and I have another chance to prove to You, my family and everyone else that I can do it. Lord I really need to start new and change a lot of things. Lord thank You for everything. Amen

Dear God

Lord I know that every time I have asked You for something and You have answered my prayers especially the miracle You performed in getting me here and back with them I mess it up. God I don’t know what plans you have for me and am so worried about making yet another promise to You in case I mess up again but at the moment I see this as the last chance to stay here and make everything right. I want to say that this time I wont let You down but I always say that then do let You down. Lord you know best so I am asking that if this is the right theng then please let me see him tomorrow and put my proposal to him and let him accept it. It is risky but Lord I don’t see any other way and hopefully this has been the wake up call I need. You know how many I have had and each time it seems that I don’t listen but Lord please give me one more chance. I know I don’t deserve it after all I have done wrong after the last chance You gave me but Lord this time I will ask Your help to not let me forget You if things go right, to work my ass off and make my family proud and give them what they deserve. The crazy thing is that I don’t want to be like this and shouldn’t be like this and don’t want to be like this. Lord I want You in my life all the time. I don’t want to just call on You when things go bad. I want to call on You to praise Your name when they go well. It is crazy and wrong that it seems it takes a disaster for me to come back to You. I want to be with You all the time Lord. I want to shout Your name out, I want my family to see that it is You who needs to be praised. Lord I am sorry that my being a total fool has driven them away from You because they think You don’t exist just because of the way I have treated them. Lord I know it is not true and need to show them somehow.  Lord as much as I don’t deserve it I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus who died for an idiot like me to please let me get to talk to him tomorrow, present my case, have it accepted and to be able to give my family some good news for Christmas. Lord after all the good they do and I will never forget that one simple gesture that my little one made and asked that it never get spoken about again they deserve something good for once. Not riches and wealth but just peace and the opportunity for a good future. Lord she was to young to really know what Christianity was, well they both were but they showed true Christian spirit. Lord please give me this one more chance to make things right with You and with them and a last chance to show You that I can change. Lord I love You. Thank You Lord.

Dear God

Please take me now. Lord I don’t want to be on this earth anymore. I have let You down yet again, I have let my family down yet again. Lord I have spent so much time away from them and miss them so much and now to loose my job on top of it all just before Christmas, Lord I cant take it anymore. Lord I know that I should just trust in You but whenever I do and You provide a miracle for me I go and mess it up and things end up even worse than before. Lord it is me that I don’t trust. I really don’t know what to do any more. I am so alone and so useless. Lord I don’t think I have ever been so low. I have let so many people down. All the ones I love, my whole family. Oh Lord everything just goes from bad to worse. Lord I am begging You to please help me. Lord please help me find a way out of this mess. I feel like, I don’t know what I feel like other than I want to die. They will be better off without me Lord.  I have let them down so badly Lord and whenever something goes wrong it just makes it worse and worse. Lord I ask in the name of Your Son Jesus Christ to please just take me. Let them have some peace without me. I am no use to them, I just drag them down. I miss them so much and have missed all the important things in their lives, I haven’t been there for them. Lord you performed a miracle and gave me everything I asked for and I went and messed it all up and since then everything has been a disaster. Lord I pray in Jesus’s name for You to save them. I cant cry anymore over what I have done to them so please take me out of their lives so they can have some peace. Lord I don’t know what else to say. You know my heart and You know me. Save me please Lord.

Dear God

Thank You Lord for that one piece of good news but as usual I don’t immediately thank You. Guess I deserve all these problems especially after what I said earlier about testing me to see if give You credit and thank You. Lord please forgive me yet again. Thank You Lord. Amen