Blog to God

Thank you a really awesome half a weekend. It started out the usual bad way with her being difficult and just plain mean if that is the right word for it but Sunday was really really great. Such a wonderful time with my beauties and then to go out with my birthday girl and just relax was out of this world. Thank You so much for the opportunity you gave me to share it with them. I am so proud of them both, the way they have turned into such awesome, wonderful, beautiful young ladies under pretty hard circumstances. Even this morning was pretty good until the afternoon when she got all stupid, huffity and selfish again. She needs to realise that it is not all about her and not be so selfish. Yes I need to get around until the car is sorted out and it might be a bit difficult for her but I do so much for her. She believes I owe it to her but she is so quick to forget all that I have alwasy done in the past. I suppose it is like most people, they remember the bad things much quicker than the good. I really dont need that and just want to get on with my life. I would love it to be with her but not the way she is half the time, that I could not manage. I need to get on with it either way. I know it is hard when she holds me to "ransom" as she does and would love to have more so I could give my girls what they need and get on with my life at the same time. I know it is just another 8 years or so when the little one is out then ther eis no hold anymore. I dont want to be mean but that would have been 30 yrs of this so I think it would be time for me to have a few things for myself. This might sound really selfish and all about me but I am so tired of never having a little me time.

Lord please be with the rest of them as they go through their own difficult time and I know that it might sound like I am whining about something which is trivial compared to the problems that so many others have so if it is please forgive me. Lord I am ready to do what You have in store for me. I can only believe that all these things are tests of my faith and pray that I am doing ok because I am trusting You more all the time. I dont have anyone else to trust in or hope in and You have proved over and over that You are the one to come to my aid. Thanks You Lord. I ask in Jesus name that You bless us all.
Amen

Could this get any better. Edit (I meant to say could this get any worse and only saw after that I said better, I dont think I was being sarcastic so hopefully it means that things will get better) This is a huge test of faith, I dont know if it is the toughest but it is huge. Last night was really bad, Lord please help her see that I am not like that and I did not do all those things. I dont want to say she has a problem but what else could it be. It is really crazy and I feel so sorry for her and the other 2. Lord please help her to see that things are and were not like that and that it could be fine. I really dont know where she gets it from. Lord thank You for giving me and the faith to get through this really tough time and for being with us through it. There is so much I need to ask for forgiveness for right now I cant even thing. Please keep us safe.

Thanks You Lord. Amen

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Dear God,
Most days I feel as though others create the problems in my life, but i have begun to realize that there is no one to blame but myself. I want to be able to feel as though I am truly happy again because to be honest it has been so long since i have been happy. I may only be 18 years old but I feel like I have been alive so much longer. I know that I can no longer go through life angry, upset and with a chip on my shoulder. I make friend easily but for some reason i drive people away. I would love your help to understand why i do this. and why i create the web of problems in my life. I know i can offer so much more the world then lies. and that is what i want to start doing, living in the now and forgiving the past and moving on. What happened, happened i cant change it, nobody can. I wish i knew how to do all these things on my own and i wish i was strong enough to ask for help but the truth is i am so scared of upsetting people that i lie and then they find out the truth and it just hurts me even more. I go to church every week with my dad and step mom and i listen but it truly has never set in with me. I wish i had the ability to be comfortable with my faith but i am not. I'm insecure with everything about me, people tell me I'm beautiful and gorgeous but i don't see it because all i see when i look in the mirror are all the lies and disgust i have brought onto myself. So as i graduate high school i need to learn how to become strong in who i really am and how to be honest with not only others but myself.
thank you Lord.

Thank You for keeping my girl and I safe in that accident today. One step forward and twenty back. Just as my car is repaired and looking good it goes and gets written off. At least You protected us and it looks like my Girl has now seen the light and knows You are here for us. I really dont know what to do now to get to work and back and and dont know how it will affect my job but I have faith in You. Today could have been the end of us but You were there keeping Your protective arm around us so I am sure You will be there to help now with what ever happens with work and transport.

Thak You again Amen